I once saw a coworker in the bathroom cussing at her reflection. She had black hair and she had a black marker in her hand. She was separating a strand or strands of gray hair, pulling it above her head and using the marker to color it black. I remember standing afraid to move as this usually happy woman cussed at her reflection. She turned to me with a look of frustration on her face and said: "The hair color won't stay in! I'm going to see if this marker will hide these monsters!" (she didn't really say 'monsters') I don't know if it worked long term, but I feel her frustration!
Gray hair is something we all have to deal with. When you hit your 50's it seems to appear in more numbers every time you look in the mirror. I color my hair, but it doesn't help for long because those dang gray hairs throw the color off a few weeks after the application. I have to say I'm lucky that I wasn't one of the people who went prematurely gray. I had a friend that started going white at 30, and it was that "Skunk Stripe" right down the middle. I didn't notice my first gray hair until my mid 30's and they started appearing in a place only my doctor and I could see. Later, I noticed a white eyelash! No grey on the head, but a big fat eyelash! It was followed by friends, and now you can barely see what was once naturally long pretty lashes and have become almost invisible. I did finally start seeing pop ups on the head, mostly at the temples and "sideburns". And my grays have a need to be noticed so they curl up tight and stick out away from the head like they are waving at every passersby. It makes me look like a crazy lady who never brushes her hair as they won't obey any hair care product I've tried.
While I do color my hair now I will quit someday. There is a time you need to let the hair win the fight and let it shine. My maternal grandmother never colored her hair, but her naturally black hair produced the pretty white hair instead of the yellow-gray some are unlucky to have. I don't know the age, but when you start resembling a clown it's time to quit coloring and applying your own make-up. I hope my friends will let me know when that is. It is my friend's job to tell me when I have something in my teeth, toilet paper stuck on my shoe, or my dress tucked into my pantyhose. THAT is a true friend! I want mine to put their arm around me and say, 'Honey, it's time to quit.' I promise to return the favor.
And it's not just hair! I had these big beautiful eyes that I got compliments on when I was younger, but now the brow skin is slowly melting down trying to hide them. I also had pouty lips that I guess developed a leak since the pout is gone and all that is left are thin lips framed with small fine wrinkles. I'll say right here I am not against plastic surgery. I can't afford it today, but if I had a lot of extra money just laying around I would be at the plastic surgeon's office yesterday. But if I do get the chance someday I don't want those fake high cheekbones I've seen on some older women. They just don't look real. What I would do is have my brow skin pulled back up to show-off my eyes again and get some fat sucked out of my waddle and pulled tight. And my jowls removed since I'm there but that's all. Maybe a little plump in my lips to hide the tiny wrinkles (since they have my fat sitting in a jar right there). And maybe my boobs lifted off my belly. And a tummy suck and tuck. Hair removal would be a good idea. But no more! No cheekbones!
I'll tell you, though, that sometimes when I look into the mirror I can still see that the young me is still there looking back. It's not every time, but when it does I can smile at my reflection and see beauty reflect back. But I know it's there every time! I know my reflection hasn't changed. My attitude towards that reflection has! I'm working at it, I hope someday I'll see beauty every time.
It's what I want to learn:
Acceptance.
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